dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
