She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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