Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
