Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
