I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Last time i carry you out of a forest
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
