so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
