Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
