she looked like the before picture.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
