i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
