Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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