Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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