i just wanna soil my oats bro
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
