I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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