The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
