he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
