I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
