I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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