walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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