Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
