If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
