Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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