My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
