i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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