She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
