i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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