Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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