Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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