Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize