I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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