No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
