i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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