i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
