im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
