So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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