our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Boobs speak an international language.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
