Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
