and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
a search helicopter?!
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
