NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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