I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
