I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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