Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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