i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
