I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
