I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
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