Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
