Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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