We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
