How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
