Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
