matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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