I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
this will be a night to untag.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So vagazzling was a success
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
