Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Operation Purity has been aborted
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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