I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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