Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
