After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
