last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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