sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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