I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
