I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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