I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
