Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
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