I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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