Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My life is pants optional.
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