He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
