I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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