I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I deserve this hangover.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
