I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
