Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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