our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
