I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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