Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
