ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
