Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
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Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
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And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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