Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
