3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
