There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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