There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Be still, my beating vagina.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
