I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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