I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
