Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
