I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
