The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
