He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
