Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
honey bunches of taint.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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