47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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